So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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