I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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