a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
