laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think people are normalizing furries
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
