Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
