I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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