what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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