I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
