Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize