You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Did I show you my penis last night?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize