Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
