bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
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He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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