I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
