every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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