i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
