Are we in a gay sports bar?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
