i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
