Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
