Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
