I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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