awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
