Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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