you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
