I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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