you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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