So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
