The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
