Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
