don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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