u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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