I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize