"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
