You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
