she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
