Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
i out mim tonsoeep
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