id be glad to
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I forget how to act sober
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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