Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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