My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
