I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
