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I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
it's like heaven, but drunker
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
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