You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
So much rum. So many feels.
Still dying that you shit outside
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
