Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(207): View more from Maine

I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?

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(207): I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal? http://tfl.nu/y7ty

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

(301): View more from Maryland

OMG! Ew.

(240): View more from Maryland

Lucky Dad.

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(240): I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one! (301): OMG! Ew. (240): Lucky Dad. http://tfl.nu/dv3r

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.

(1-250): View more from British Columbia

I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.

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(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you. (1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this. http://tfl.nu/x6e9

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(250): View more from British Columbia

Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,

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(250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog, http://tfl.nu/g0c0

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(847): View more from Illinois

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

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(847): You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive. http://tfl.nu/z8kz

Replies (19) Good night (7029) Bad night (1115) Order T-Shirt
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(815): View more from Illinois

Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.

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(815): Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit. http://tfl.nu/yacj

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(864): View more from South Carolina

no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.

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(864): no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job. http://tfl.nu/97jt

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(940): View more from Texas

it's like heaven, but drunker

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(940): it's like heaven, but drunker http://tfl.nu/yzff

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(201): View more from New Jersey

The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.

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(201): The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20. http://tfl.nu/e9d3

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(708): View more from Illinois

So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?

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(708): So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS? http://tfl.nu/0qn8

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(760): View more from California

She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.

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(760): She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle. http://tfl.nu/ihsx

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(619): View more from California

I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.

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(619): I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight. http://tfl.nu/r1ts

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(850): View more from Florida

your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.

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(850): your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing. http://tfl.nu/7ema

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?

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(832): I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went? http://tfl.nu/hldx

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(501): View more from Arkansas

The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.

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(501): The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game. http://tfl.nu/4bmh

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