I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
