you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
