He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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