I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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