I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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