no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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