Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
