We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
