not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
