Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
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All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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