chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
