hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
