dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
