i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"