Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She made me pour olive oil on her.