Texts From Last Night

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  (650): View more from California

  Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.

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  (650): Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low. http://tfl.nu/on4s
  Replies (13) Good night (1224) Bad night (3280)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings

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  (206): A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings http://tfl.nu/86t1
  Replies (23) Good night (3276) Bad night (665)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.

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  (713): Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake. http://tfl.nu/b27h
  Replies (19) Good night (660) Bad night (5170)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

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  (508): i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude. http://tfl.nu/zgqp
  Replies (87) Good night (26209) Bad night (4685)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.

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  (703): Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk. http://tfl.nu/el36
  Replies (12) Good night (6781) Bad night (1289)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.

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  (631): I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend. http://tfl.nu/oodk
  Replies (3) Good night (562) Bad night (2360)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.

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  (+61): THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE. http://tfl.nu/omc3
  Replies (12) Good night (3538) Bad night (810)
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  (+43): View more from

  She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.

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  (+43): She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in. http://tfl.nu/w2z8
  Replies (3) Good night (804) Bad night (2340)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog

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  (973): i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog http://tfl.nu/1yan
  Replies (12) Good night (922) Bad night (2734)
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  (716): View more from New York

  you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.

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  (716): you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out. http://tfl.nu/mu2i
  Replies (1) Good night (1378) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  Now it's a party.

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  (270): A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face. (1-270): Now it's a party. http://tfl.nu/6390
  Replies (10) Good night (1283) Bad night (2497)
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  (260): View more from Indiana

  DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER

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  (260): DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER http://tfl.nu/2v94
  Replies (6) Good night (694) Bad night (1439)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before

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  (856): Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before http://tfl.nu/gngt
  Replies (5) Good night (694) Bad night (596)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!

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  (512): I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate! http://tfl.nu/aytf
  Replies (12) Good night (2074) Bad night (759)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?

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  (817): When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control? http://tfl.nu/7vjk
  Replies (3) Good night (608) Bad night (228)

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