so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with