I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet