Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.