My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
