it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.