My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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