I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
