dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
