Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
