Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
