My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
