i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
