So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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