I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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