My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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