So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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