How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
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Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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