im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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