last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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