i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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