I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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