I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
