THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
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He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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