Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
