WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Bring me that man meat
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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